애슐리 | アシュリー
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Currently getting bombarded by dramatic uni life and assignments. Keeping this blog up for the sole purpose of ranting.
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I think in life, when you truly love someone, be it your lover or your family or your best friend, you would really care about him or her. Every action from that person might affect you in a very large manner.

So when she starts losing herself on her own track, you'd feel scared, you'd be worried, you'd try your best to get her back fast on her own lane. even if it means getting yourself hurt in the process.

But when you have done everything you can and still there is not a tad bit sparks of improvement, you'd start feeling hopeless and would be on the edge of giving up.

However, because you love this person so much, it is almost worth it to stay silence and suffer all alone, rather to fight with her everyday. You would rather have a happy her than an emotionally relieved you.

she might never find out about how depressing you are, even if she did, she might not even care. she would think it's the consequences of your own actions and it has absolutely nothing to do with her.

But n the end, even if you have said, you have given all up, you wouldn't bother about this person anymore. Somehow, you will still find yourself holding on to just a little bit of hope, just a little bit of faith, just a little bit of luck. that, maybe, one day, it would all go back to the beginning.

everything will be back to normal and your emo days will be finally over.

---

but before we have that kind of comfortable relationship back, i think i would still keep that distance between us. Maybe i'm still not ready in accepting the new you. maybe someday, maybe never, i don't know.

the only thing i can be sure of now, is, i am trying to protect myself. i don't want old wounds reopen. i want myself to be happy and healthy like i once used to be.

i think one thing that i'm really sad about is that you might never know how much hurt you have given me before. and the fact that i'm staying silence about everything just makes myself look more like a coward.

i'm not trying to avoid. i'm just giving my life a slower pace. what i need now is peace. and maybe soon, i'll be fine. :)